need another drink. this is the easiest way
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
