its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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