the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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