alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
