no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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