she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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