the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
