but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
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