Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
