I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
