i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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