she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
