all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
