I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize