Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
