I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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