Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Randomize
