I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
well, you know. whores of a feather.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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