i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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