I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
love makes seman taste better
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
