I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
This house was built for laser tag.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
