Someone shit on the floor
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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