Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
