I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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