I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
