Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
