We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
