Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Small penises have feelings too.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
