If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
