goodnight i made you a song goodbye
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
