it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
