what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
