where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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