It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
