Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
