I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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