If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
