her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Randomize
