I wanna bring you to show and tell
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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