Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Found the puke drawer
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
