my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Randomize
