I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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