so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
