There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
