On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
just come out here and I will go home with you...
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
