She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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