but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
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