I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
