This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
He passed out mid-signature
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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