You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
