Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
