I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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