it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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