pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
