if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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