guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
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