I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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