dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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