I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
