I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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