this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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