I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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